Agape Leadership
Is ‘Love’ relevant in Leadership? In the book Trillion Dollar Coach, leaders often described Bill Campbell as someone who loved people. He gave bear hugs. He took people out. He generously donated his time. He held people accountable. Bill Campbell demonstrated Agape Leadership. To demonstrate selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love, is key in agape leadership. It places the well-being and growth of individuals, communities, and society at the forefront. Here, love is not a feeling but action and commitment. It means leaders go beyond their likes and dislikes to work with other people and help them grow.
“He treated his middle school football players the same way he treated his executive coachees… The tough talk and sincere love” – From the Trillion Dollar Coach
Drama Triangle
Are we working from the presence or from the Drama triangle? Many of us, in life and work are in a drama triangle, playing one of the three roles.
VICTIM: Operating in fear, feeling powerless, where everyone and everything is to blamed
VILLIAN: Operating from aggression or passive aggression, intimidating others
HERO: Operating from the belief “Everything will stop, if I don’t pitch in”, stretching beyond boundaries, wanting to be needed
These are unhelpful and unconscious roles that stop our growth. Being present can help us stop playing these roles. Once we refuse to act either superior or inferior we are out of the drama and feel liberated.
The human mind is a dramatic structure in itself and our society is absolutely saturated with drama. – Edward Bond, English playwright and theatre director
Create your own goals
One of my former coachees gave me valuable insight into how they see their goals in a coaching engagement. Even though she successfully demonstrated progress in all of them, she admitted that she was more committed to the one she chose rather than the one which she aligned with me to take for the sake of the engagement. Behavioral scientists term this as the IKEA effect, where people place a higher value on something they themselves created. In this case, the coachee continues to demonstrate the change from ‘her’ goal because she identified it on her own.
“If you don’t have your own goals, you’ll be doomed to work toward someone else’s.” – Harry Truman, 33rd president of the United States