Generosity burnout
I have friends who love to give. They are generous to the fault. They do not say no to giving their time, money, energy, or resources. While they are seemingly angels on earth, they have a dark side. They grapple with exhaustion after emptying themselves for others. As a result, they withdraw, snap out, and leave others confused. One of my giver friends uses authenticity as his shield from generosity burnout. If you are a giver, being authentic about how you feel and what you want from others, can save you from burnout and enhance your relationship with others. You do not have to be on the altar of sacrifice just because you love giving.
“Selfless givers are people with high other-interest and low self-interest. They give their time and energy without regard for their own needs, and they pay a price for it.” – Adam Grant, Give and Take
Hindsight bias
What is the best decision you made in the last month?
What is the worst decision you made in the last month?
You are likely to answer this question based on how things turned out for you favorably or unfavorably. You know how you should have done something better after seeing the outcomes. You are wiser in hindsight. However, if you want to be good with decision-making, the key is to look at what goes in as inputs for decision-making. A good farmer determines the quality of his work based on the quality of the seed or the soil used and not on the yield which gets impacted by unpredictable weather. Great decision-makers focus on the process instead of outcomes to improve their decision-making skills.
“What makes a decision great is not that it has a great outcome. A great decision is the result of a good process.” – Annie Duke, How to Decide
Choice as a change agent
As a coach, I hear my clients make this one statement in different ways, in their own words.
“I am used to doing things a certain way and I don’t have a choice but to continue the way I am.”
We learn to play by the scripts we have designed early on. Our situations and activities might change yet we apply the same script even if it is outdated for the current scenario and is detrimental to our future growth and well-being. Things change when we realize that we have a choice to drop the script and play differently. Knowing that we have a choice and we are capable of exercising it can be a catalyst for change.
“The self is not something ready-made, but something in continuous formation through choice of action.” – John Dewey, American philosopher and psychologist