Psychological independence
Relationships are healthy when there is psychological independence. It involves not needing others, giving them space to be and to grow as people. However, our human societies insist on us being psychologically dependent on others and equate it to feelings of love, respect, and loyalty. It is not only prevalent in families but also in workplaces where we expect employees to demonstrate lifelong loyalty and employees expect their employers to take care of their career. On the contrary, the animal world understands independence where mammals leave offspring once they are made to be self-reliant for their needs. Leading a psychologically independent life is not easy as it makes us self-responsible for our success and failure yet that is how we become a whole person.
“Nest is a beautiful place for a child to develop but nest leaving is even more beautiful and can be viewed that way by one leaving as well as the one watching the takeoff” – Wayne Dyer, Author of Erroneous Zone
Three-Legged rabbit
There is a saying in Tamizh culture that ‘My rabbit has three legs’. It indicates stubbornness to one’s point of view. In a recent conversation, I noticed how a ‘three- legged rabbit’ can block one from accepting a valuable suggestion. We value something more when it involves our labor. Hence, we tend to overvalue our point of view because it was the labor of our thinking or searching and not handed to us by someone else. Sometimes, it is useful to ask ourselves if we would place the same value if it was not our own point of view.
“Persons who go through a great deal of trouble or pain to attain something tend to value it more highly than persons who attain the same thing with a minimum of effort.” – Dr. Robert Cialdini, Author of Influence
Limited time
On my first visit to London, I fell ill. As I rested in my hotel room, a part of me regretted the lost precious time. However, it gave me ample time to reflect and think about life itself. Is our life indeed short or is it shortchanged with trivialities? May be life is long enough for us to do the things we truly care for. Unfortunately, we keep filling our time with little things that didn’t matter to me or my loved ones. These include worries, petty arguments, concern about events that we are remotely connected to, envy, hatred, and guilt. Looking at a lifetime as long enough but limited is key to making the most out of it.
“It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. Life is long enough, and sufficiently generous amount has been given to us for the highest achievements if it were all well invested.” – Seneca, Philosopher